


Jiffy Interview With Martian Manhunter

by SmartCoffee



Category: DCU
Genre: Aliens, Food, Journalism, Shapeshifting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:20:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22011712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmartCoffee/pseuds/SmartCoffee
Summary: Adam Jiffy meets J'onn J'onzz, the Martian Manhunter, at Subway for an interview over lunch. For once, Adam is unprepared for an interview. But J'onn is a true gentleman and opens up to Adam. J'onn even gives Adam a fun little surprise.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Jiffy Interview With Martian Manhunter

Adam Jiffy: Hi J'onn.

Martian Manhunter / J'onn Jonzz: Good afternoon, Adam.

(AJ orders a club sub and a regular Coke. MM orders a turkey sub and a Dasani bottled water. They pick up their trays and find a table.)

AJ: So why did you want to meet at a Subway?

MM: I enjoy the food on their menu. I am a frequent customer.

AJ: Oh. Okay.

MM: Is that unusual? It strikes me as a rather popular, successful establishment.

AJ: No, no, not unusual at all. It is popular. Anyway, I had a helluva time doing research on you. I have to ask some basic questions because there's a lot I don't know.

MM: I expected that. It is not a problem. What do you wish to ask?

AJ: If you're a Martian, does that mean there is still intelligent life on Mars now?

MM: No. I am extremely old, slightly more than a million years old. I lived on Mars when it had a vibrant, sophisticated civilization. Unfortunately an environmental disaster killed off all the organisms.

AJ: I'm so sorry.

MM: It was a million years ago. But, thank you, I appreciate the sentiment.

AJ: How did you escape from Mars?

MM: It is a long story that is rather difficult to explain. I was a prominent leader on Mars, but I fell out of favor. That led to my exile. Other Martians used a wormhole to send me to Earth as a punishment, not knowing that Mars was headed for a catastrophe.

AJ: I've seen various descriptions of your powers. They don't quite make sense to me. They say psychic abilities, flying, shapeshifting, enhanced intelligence, and it just goes on and on.

MM: I have all of the powers that you listed.

AJ: Could you or would you demonstrate one for me?

MM: (sigh) It's possible, but I have two concerns. One, this is a busy restaurant and I would prefer not to make a scene. Two, there is a problematic tension between superheroes and the media where certain journalists, not necessarily you, ask superheroes to show off their powers. It takes on the characteristics of a freak show and I find it unsettling.

AJ: Those are both valid concerns and I see where you're coming from. But as a journalist, I have a duty to verify claims before I publish them, especially if the claims seem unlikely. I find these abilities fascinating and think my readers will too, but I have to establish they are true.

MM: All right. I have an idea that will let me prove I have superpowers but is subtle enough that it will not cause a commotion. I want you to examine me carefully, noting my face and other physical features.

(Adam had already noticed that MM had curly blond hair. Looking closely, Adam notices slightly tanned skin and a wide chin. He isn't huge but he's above average in height.)

MM: Excuse me.

(MM walks to the men's room. Several minutes pass. The men's room door opens. A completely different man sits down at Adam's table. He has straight, black hair, olive skin, and a rounded chin. He is clearly shorter now, by about six inches.)

MM: We were discussing my face, weren't we?

AJ: That's incredible, but don't you think people will notice the difference?

MM: People tend to see what they are looking for and miss the rest.

AJ: Is your body completely different from mine?

MM: On the one hand, yes, my physiology is different in a plethora of ways from your own. Cataloguing all the ways would be exhausting for both of us. But the ability you just observed gives you an idea. On the other hand, there are some surprising similarities. My amino acids are just like yours. That's why I can eat here.

AJ: Is assimilating or fitting in something that concerns you? Are there times you feel isolated?

MM: I wouldn't be very effective as a superhero if I couldn't assimilate. I investigate crimes and uncover secret conspiracies so you can imagine that looking or sounding strange would interfere with my missions. I used to feel an intense loneliness before I befriended other superheroes. That feeling has largely subsided.

AJ: You mentioned sounding strange and I notice that your speech has a very technical quality. Most people I meet don't discuss "amino acids." Is that a conscious choice?

MM: Absolutely. I can turn it on and off. In my mind, I make choices in a deliberate, logical manner. If I let my thoughts progress naturally into words, they have that scientific tone you described. But if I shapeshift into a persona where that tone doesn't fit, I change my tone.

AJ: Superman mentioned to me that you had a twin brother. I don't know if this is the same on Mars, but here on Earth, twins often play pranks because they can impersonate each other. Did you ever do that?

MM: I have a traumatic history with my brother so I would rather not delve into that topic. But I do have an amusing story about being a twin. There is a sweet potato on Mars that Martians used to say would increase the chance of twins in mothers who ate it. My mother believed this bit of folk wisdom, but my father insisted it was nonsense. She ate this potato very frequently before my twin and I were born. My father liked to say that if he had known the truth, he would have never let my mother touch that root.

AJ: Didn't he want twins?

MM: I think he was teasing my mother. But both of them agreed that once they had twins, it was easy to decide whether to have more children. A resounding no.

AJ: Did you get six cookies?

MM: I did. Would you like one?

AJ: No.

MM: That is for the better. I was not truly prepared to share.


End file.
